Read All About It!

12 May 99
UO Land
This just in. . .

The town crier reports that thousands of UO players have discarded their characters and taken up the 'bard' class. Latest reports say that there are only 2 mages left in the entire game. Greedy Gus, a longtime warrior fan is quoted as saying, "I just started this bard character four hours ago, I can't believe how easy the game is now. Man, the loot I'm getting is awesome!!"

In other developments, carpenters are riding the 'wave' of bard popularity. Stephen Splinterhand, veteran carpenter on Catskills reports, "Ever since people discovered that bards can kill any and all monsters at will, with no danger, I can't keep any drums or tambourines in stock!"

Even the real estate market is feeling the crunch of the Super Bards. Sinntury 21, a broker on the Nappa shard says, "Bards are buying up castles and placing towers so fast that they don't even wait until the mortar dries"

Others, however, are not rejoicing this 'newfound' bard popularity. Duggen Dullblade of the Warriors Guild on Chesapeake complains, "All my members have put down their magic halberds and shadow plate to take up some kind of sissy musical instruments? It is a disgrace!!"

The most telling comment on the takeover of UO by the lowly musicians is from none other than the 'boss' himself. When asked about this rampage of greedy lute players, Lord British said, "Man I wish I could be a bard, they always get the chicks!"

UO Design team had this to say about the incident, "Uh. . . Duh. . .Blah. . .Uh. . .Duh. . "

More news as this story develops.

-Thelonius, Master Bard [Napa] on May 12, 1999