Runesaber

My Mommy

I woke up in a corner of some shop. I wasn't really sure where I was, so I ran outside to ask.

"WHERE AM I?" I shouted.

A couple fighters nearby made some comments about dumb newbies, but refused to answer me.

"I SAID, WHERE AM I?"

"If you don't shut up, I shall cut you to pieces," threatened one of them.

"GUARDS! GUARDS! GUARDS! HELP! I'M THEY'RE TRYING TO PK ME!" I screamed as I ran away from the rude fighter.

I kept running until I was safe outside of town away from them. I figured for sure they were only talking tough because they knew I couldn't get them in town. But, like I figured, they wouldn't follow me. I almost considered taking of my orc helm so they wouldn't be so scared and then I could get them and kill them and take their stuff. I laughed and started running some more.

After a few moments I saw a glowing blue circle thingy inside a group of stones. I had never seen one of these before, so I was a little nervous as I looked at it. Then, some guy stepped out of it. He looked around, muttered something about stupid moongates and stepped back into it. I waited a few moments, then he appeared again. His muttering got louder and more colorful as he turned and walked back into the blue thing. Deciding I was at least as good as him, I stepped into it and disappeared.

At first, I was scared. I'm a real man, and I can admit when I get scared. I don't wet myself anymore because like I said, I'm a man and not a baby anymore. After a few seconds, though, I came out of the blue thingy in some other place. This was kewl since I didn't know where I was before anyways.

I saw a road, and started running along it. After a while, I ended up in a new town. I saw some people, and decided to see if they were nice or not.

"I'M NEW!" I shouted. "GIMMEE STUFF!"

None of them even said hi, so I decided they were really rude and I went wandering off. As I walked I saw a fighter walking towards a building. Using my magic orc helm's special power to see people's real names, I found out his name was Galdrog.

I should take a moment and tell everyone about my special orc helm. I got it from a really nice fighter after I was killed by some guy who said I yelled to much, but actually, he was just jealous of me. The fighter said it was a magic orc helm that would scare mean people away from me. He also showed me how to use it to see everyone's name who was around me. The last neat trick it could do was make me immune to magic. I had never tried that trick, but the fighter promised me that it would, and I believed him because he was so nice to me.

The only other thing I had of value was my magic wand of death. I got it from Santa for being a good boy. The same fighter who gave me the orc helm told me that firework was a for-en word for wand of death. He showed me how to use it and told me the magic words "VAS FLAM" that make it so deadly. I had tried to kill people with it several times, but I was still learning how and was not a good aim. This meant that the people I tried to kill would run away, but I know that if I keep at it, I'll eventually get good at it.

Anyways, I saw Galdrog and ran after him. He kept running, so I called out to him.

"WAIT! I'M NEW! GIMMEE STUFF!" He didn't hear me, so I yelled it again, "I'M NEW! GIMMEE STUFF!"

This Galdrog guy was really rude and kept ignoring me. This made me mad, and I almost used my wand of death on him, but I figured I would give him one more chance.

"WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?" I asked.

"Guards!" he called out. "Number one, turn down thy voice."

"I WANT TO TALK TO YOU" I thought, then because I decided I needed a drink, "WHERE IS THE BAR? I'M THIRSTY."

"Number two, don't beg," he said.

"TELL ME WHERE THE BAR IS!" I demanded to this rude guy.

"No bar in town." he replied.

I didn't believe him, so I started running all over looking for a bar. A couple people told me lies about where the bar was, but I figured out they were just trying to get rid of me. After a while, I saw a bunch of people in a clearing. Since I always like meeting new people, I ran up to them and shouted out me usual greeting.

"I'M NEW! GIMMEE STUFF!"

Then, I noticed the Galdrog guy I had tried talking to before. He muttered, "Oh no."

A lady in the groupe walked up to me and for some strange reason said, "Hi buy"

I didn't know why she talked to me like that, so I yelled, "I'M NOT A NPC!"

The rude Galdrog said, "Give him a slap to the face."

Then I used my magic orc helm to see everyone's name. Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat. The lady who had just spoken to me was my long, lost mom, Elawyn of Yew. I was overjoyed at finally finding her again. I hoped this time she would not send me away like the mage that raised me said she did the first time.

"HEY!" I said happily, "YOU'RE MY MOM! MOM, DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?"

She looked shocked and then replied, "I fear thou art mistaken."

"NO MOM! DON'T SEND ME AWAY AGAIN!" I said as I started sobbing.

One of the group, Ogodei Ra seemed almost upset by my declaration. "Mom?" he asked.

"Elawyn, could this strange one be thy long lost son?" asked Galdrog.

I looked around at everyone. I was embarrassed that my mommy wouldn't tell them the truth. It was just like my step-dad told me. My parents didn't love me and lied to people about me. My embarassment got worse when Syani the Elven started laughing at me. She noticed I was looking at her, and started coughing trying to cover up her laughter. Everyone else started laughing, too.

"SHE'S MY MOMMY" I sobbed. "SHE THREW ME OUT CUZ SHE DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW SHE'D BEEN NAUGHTY!"

"Oh, dear," said Ilina. "Shame on thee, El."

Syani then tried to help me by saying, "Methinks he doth resemble her slightly? Around the eyes?"

"MOM, PLEASE TAKE ME BACK" I begged.

Ogodei then muttered something about wondering who the dad was.

"DAD IS AGAMAR THE LIZARD"

My mom looked upset and said, "I don't know what to say, thee must surely have mistaken me for another."

"NO" I said "YOU ARE MY MOMMY!"

At this everyone burst out into laughter. I almost cried when I realized they were all laughing at me.

"MOMMY, WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" I asked in desparation.

I tried for several minutes to make my mommy admit the truth, but she kept denying me. The other people were mean and tried to trick me into taking of my magic orc helm. I was too smart for them because I knew they just wanted to steal it. Then Khelvan Arachnus tried to give my mommy a reason to be proud of me.

He said, "This is some foolish knave."

"I AM NOT A KNAVE!" I said. Then, I realized that I didn't know what a knave was, and maybe I was a knave and that this was a good thing. "AT LEAST I DON'T THINK SO."

Khelvan then replied, "Oh, aye, ye are a knave. It is a fine title. Wear it well."

"BEING A KNAVE IS GOOD?" I asked.

Syani replied, "Aye, quite."

"THEN I WILL BE THE BESTEST KNAVE EVER," I beamed. Then I turned back to my mom. "DID YOU HEAR THAT, MOMMY? i AM A KNAVE. AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME?"

She didn't say anything, so I continued, "SEE, MOMMY, YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH NOW. YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE YOUR SON IS THE GREAT KNAVE," I paused for dramatic effect, "RUNESABER!"

I then strutted around.

"I AM THE GREATEST KNAVE IN THE LAND. I AM MAKING MY MOMMY SO PROUD. PLEASE MOMMY. TELL EVERYONE THAT I AM YOUR SON."

I continued strutting around trying to make my mommy realize that she could tell the world the truth. However, she still seemed reluctant to do so. I was confused. Here I was, having been just proclaimed the world's greatest knave, and she still was embarrassed by me. Then it hit me, maybe I wasn't being a good boy, and if I was a good boy, she would be proud of me. There was only one problem...

"I WANT TO BE GOOD! BUT NO ONE WILL TEACH ME!" I said.

At this point, Galdrog must have decided I was a-okay with him cuz he gave me a fish to have as a pet.

"Make sure you put it in some water as soon as possible," said Galdrog, "and feed it twice a day."

I smiled at my new pet and started thinking how I was going to teach it to fetch and play dead and roll over. I started petting it, but it didn't purr. I acked when I realized the problem.

"HEY WAIT! THIS FISH ISN'T MOVING! YOU GAVE ME A DEAD FISH!"

I then acked again.

Maurevel started laughing at me, and even Khelvan couldn't supress his grin. I hate it when people tease me.

Galdrog then said kinda sheepishly, "Well, its just....sleeping."

I then turned back to my mommy and cried, "PLEASE TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!"

My mommy didn't say she loved me, all she kept talking about was trying to figure out how old I was. I was really hurt. I loved my mommy very much even though the magic man told me she hated me. I didn't want her to hate me and that's why I always was trying to do things to make her proud of me. I tried to be strong and not let my feelings get too hurt, but I was too sad.

I sniffled, "YOU DON'T LOVE ME, DO YOU?"

I then looked at my mommy hoping she would say no, that she loved me, but she just stared at me. I broke down and started sobbing.

"NO ONE LOVES ME," I moaned, "MY MOMMY HATES ME."

The tears then came pouring out then, and even though I was embarrassed for blubbering like a baby, I didn't care anymore since my mommy didn't care about me. Then, in an effort to comfort me, the nice lady Ilina encouraged everyone to comfort me.

"Group hug here," said the nice lady.

Syani and Ilina hugged me. I had never been hugged by a lady before, but I knew what to do. I grabbed Syani into a strong embrace and gave her a deep wet kiss. She acked in ecstasy at being kissed by the greatest knave in the land. I kinda felt strange, kinda like butterflies were in my tummy and for some reason, the front of my trousers seemed to be getting a little tight.

I then said to Ilina, "WILL YOU BE MY MOM SINCE MY REAL MOM HATES ME?"

Finally, my mommy screamed out, "I DO NOT HATE THEE!"

"THEN WHY WON'T YOU TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT ME?"

"Because I do not know the truth," she said quietly.

I continued trying to convince my mom to admit the truth, but she kept refusing to say it saying she was too confused. Then the other people around played a mean trick on me by giving me a crystal ball that made me forget to breathe and almost caused me to pass out. I was already sad since my mommy didn't love me, so I ran away from the meanies. I stopped in a shop and hid in the corner. I tried to keep all my sadness inside, but I couldn't. I started sobbing. After a few minutes, I cried myself to sleep.