Jern the bartender
A youngster entered the Cat's Lair tavern
onthat rainy night. Sent on an errand to buy some wine to
warm his father's oldbones. In a far corner of the public
room sat a man clutching mug of ale. Helooked as if he had
been wandering in the wild for a long time. His clothes wereragged
and his once-blond hair was dark and filthy. The youngster
wondered whythe bartender would let such a filthy man inside
As the youngster stared, the man turned towards him with a
wide grin on hisface. “Hey there las come over 'ere.” The
frightened youngster walked overto the man.
“Now there las”, said the man, “no need to be afraid of me
old Mury 'ere.Or pr'aps tis me arm that scared ye?” Mury showed
him the stump that was oncehis left arm. The youngster looked
at the man with wide eyes, “What happenedto you?” he asked.
“Well las dat be a good story. But alas me throat is thirsty
pr'aps after someale me could tell you how it happened?” Mury
said as he showed the youngsterhis empty mug. “I am sorry,”
the youngster said, “but I need to buy winefor my father’s
old bones. He will surely slap me if I spend his gold on alefor
you.” “Well den,” shrugged Mury, “den me guess ye don’t want
tohear a tale of danger and adventure?”
“Wait..just hold on. I guess I can buy a little less wine
for my father inorder to buy some ale for you,” said the Youngster.
“Wait here,” heintoned, nodding to the bartender to fill Mury’s
mug with ale.
“Ahh very kind of ye las, dis is just what me needed,” said
Mury as he tooka sip of his ale. “Well den me guess ye earned
to hear me story.” Murystretched his back and took a comfortable
position on the bench.
“Now las it was a beautiful day for me en my boy’z. Me boss
had the idea ofsetting up a big fire for a picnic,” Mury chuckled.
“So me boss decided dedwe could make a really BIG fire if
we just burned de bridge near Trinsic. Me andde boy’z got
many logs and oil and torches, den we went to de bridge. Der
weput all de logs on de bridge and den me boss sprinkled de
oil all over delogs.” Mury paused in his story and stared
at the ceiling, smiling as hethought about what had occurred.
“Yes and what happened then?” the youngster asked. “Did you
burn thebridge and get your arm burned off?” “Well las me
think me throat is a bittoo thirsty to continue right now,”
smiled Mury. Perhaps after some more ale Icould tell ye de
rest of de story.”
The youngster took the last coins from his pouch and nodded
to the bartender tofill Mury’s mug once more. “Please continue,”
he asked. “Ahh ye be agood las. Now where was me?”
“You were telling about your master - that he was going to
set fire to thebridge for your picnic,” replied the youngster.
“Aye ded be right. Me boss was going to set fire to de bridge
when suddenlytwo well-armoured figures appeared on stinky
‘orses. They told us to stop! Thenerves. Giving orders to
me boss and de boy’z. Ye can of course understand wedidn’t
like that! So me boss stepped forward, taking out his club”,
Muryexplained. "He den tried to slap dem on de head but
de figures wer verystrong. Dey drew their swords and started
stinging me boss."
"Wauw", gasped the Youngster. "And then? What
"Well...me boss was dead in a second. Dey pricked him
and den he bleeded.Dey showed no mercy to us poor men",
said Mury angry. "When dey hadmurdered me boss dey came
after de rest of me boy'z. Me cannot remember how deykilled
all me boy'z with only de two 'o dem. All me do remember is
ded when deyran down de last of me boy'z dey turned their
swords towards me." Muryshivered. "The mere thought
of de 'ungry look in dem eyes when dey lookedat me, it still
"But you are still alive", said the youngster. "How
did yousurvive against such great warriors?"
"When dey turned towards me I tried to ran away. But
dey were fast on dem 'orses.One 'o dem galloped towards me
and with a mighty swing he chopped me armoff", said Mury
as he waved his stump towards the youngster. "Althoughme
was feeling incredible pain me managed somehow to outrun de
'orse, and aftera long run me found a healer who toke care
"What an incredible story", said the youngster.
"You are verylucky to be alive. Although it wasn't very
smart to burn the bridge. That couldindeed have upset some
"Aye but burnig de bridge would 'ave been fun",
said Mury as he stoodup and walked towards the door. "Thanks
las for de ale and yer ear."
"But wait..." stammered the youngster. "Now
I don't have any goldleft to buy the wine for my father! He
will surely give me slappings!"
"Good night las", grinned Mury. And he walked through
From the Town Cryer - The Journal of Ultima Online,