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From the Grave They Arose
My name be Tienan, an I do be a smith by trade. But ye see, making weapons all day long I learned ta handle a sword mighty well meself. So the other day, when I heard the town crier callin out ‘bout needin help, well I says to myself I says, “Tienan, time ta do somethin useful fer a change ‘sides making weapons.” When I got ta Castle Britain, there be this tall feller in dark brown robes there, an he was saying something ‘bout undead rising up from ther graves in the Britain cemetary an takin up residence blockin the pass ta the north ‘o Britain. Seems their leader, some bloody Liche Master, had killed ‘imself a Knight Amolius an took his sword! It didna be any sword, though, it was a powerful magic weapon that could kill undead like a newly forged sword through a practice dummy. Well, I says to meself, I says, “Tienan, we gots ta help these folks out.” Not that the idea of gettin a sword like tha wasn’t kinda appealin’ an all.

When I got ta this place it were already in chaos! I saw dead knights made ‘o bones an' ten feet tall runnin’ around hackin' people down left an' right! Them liches were castin’ spells everywhere an' giant hounds breathin’ fire at people! I didna know what ter be doin, so I tried ta run through the pass. There were big, rottin trees in there with faces. I had ta duck behind a rock ta keep from gettin smashed by a zombie bein’ thrown over me head. Them undead things were all over, but the other folks were killin em right and left... if ye can kill somethin’ already dead. Ye know I be wonderin’ bout that meself fer a while.

I get ter the other side, an there be this giant black, rottin Liche towerin’ over everyone there an laughin. I says to meself, I says, “Tienan, tha sword just don’t be worth it!” So I tried ta tackle this zombie. It was not just any zombie, tha thing were twenty feet tall, it were, an it had fangs big ‘nough ta bite off yer arm! An razorsharp claws tha dripped poison! Yessir! Ye should’ve seen me, I almost died, but I beat tha thing, me sure did. So I look over and see all there folks clompin ‘round that Liche Master, specially a feller named Val Isildur-Kai... I think tha be it... really made minced Liche outta him! Har har! So he goes down, but nobody knows who gots ther sword!! Some feller just runs off with it, an then gold starts appearin on tha ground outta thin air. Well I’ll be a liver-kissin fish belly sap-sucker!! I helped meself, ‘course I did! An that be how it went, ye can ask anyone ye like, but ye won’t be getting a better story outta anyone in these parts. Ye know, I should tell ye ‘bout the time I took on a ten foot chicken tha wanted ta rule the world. I’m not jossin ye, honest! 

Published: June 2000
Please Note: Some dates are estimates as exact dates were unavailable.
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