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Another Day in Paradise
Watching a warrior eat and drink is an exercise in keeping the contents of ones own stomach firmly in place. As the ale poured down Cenna’s face and off his chin, more ran down the side of his mug adding to the ever growing pool on the table. Warriors tend to make a habit out of wasting about as much ale as they actually manage to slosh down their gullet, with all their extraneous arm waving and boisterous contests to see who can shout the loudest whilst consuming everything on the table in the quickest, and most repugnant, manner possible.
Sometimes I wonder if they are from a different race… one that counts swine as a long forgotten (but well emulated) ancestor.

But I get away from myself, as I am not writing about this repugnant display of unbridled masculinity, but rather the events that led up to it. Three weeks ago, when last Trammel and Felucca were both new, a haggard looking man came pounding on the main gate of our tower. I know very well that it was that night, as I was up on the roof, taking advantage of the lack of moonlight to observe a dim comet that I discovered the month before. I had already sent a scroll to the observatory on Verity Isle describing the motion of the comet, but that night was my first opportunity to examine the fine details without moonlight interfering with the view. The length of the tail was astounding, and was much longer than I was expecting! I am awaiting a response from the observatory to see if their findings match mine. I have no reason to think that they will not, as I am very meticulous in my work, and consider myself an expert on the heavens, among many other subjects.

Yes, I admit sometimes I let my enthusiasm for my work get the best of me. It is one of the burdens of being born with such an expansive intellect. Alas, it is my duty in life to use my mind to further the intellectual achievements of our society, and fulfill that duty I will.

Ah, so where was I? That’s right; the night the strange man came to the tower and interrupted my comet observations.

By the time I had made my way down to the entry hall, the steward had unfortunately already let the man in. Normally he is more prudent than to let an unknown, and extremely agitated, man into the tower in the middle of the night, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt as the man did seem extremely desperate to be let in. One might have understandably gotten the impression that the Lycaeum was burning to the ground, or that something else of an equally appalling nature had occurred.

Of course, as I should have guessed, the event in question was nothing of the sort. What had drove this man completely out of his wits and through the forest to pound upon our door was none other than a case of an Orcish raiding party that had purloined his wagon full of ale!

Oh, the horror!

Of course, Cenna and his band took this very seriously, as if the fate of Britannia depended on those barrels of ale reaching the nearby tavern. With much haste, they proceeded to don their armor, and tie their scabbards tightly with a certain dire relish that can be mustered only by a warrior recently notified of an imminent battle.

My night vision completely ruined, I sat in my chair near the hearth, trying to appear patient while waiting for Cenna and his agnatic bunch to depart, and hoping to at least record some of what I had observed earlier that night before the finer details escaped my mind. Unfortunately, the much welcomed silence did not last long enough. Cenna returned no more than an hour later, already half soused, carrying 4 full barrels of some vile smelling liquid, ostensibly the subjugated contents of the plundered wagon, thus utterly ruining any chance of my completing any further work on the comet that night.

Such is my life; a life where I am stuck in close proximity to such a gluttonous inebriate.

- Kalika

Published: April 2005
Please Note: Some dates are estimates as exact dates were unavailable.
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