• A newbie was walking along the road to Vesper when a PK spotted him and began to give chase. After running for a while, slowly losing ground due to lag with the PK only a few steps behind, he came upon a loaf of bread and a bottle of ale next to a tree. Seeing that another PK was coming from the other direction, he picked up the bottle of ale. It tasted great!

• The nature of GM's is a circle of which the center is everywhere and the circumference is nowhere.

• In the newbie's mind there are many possibilities, but in the PK's mind there are few.

• The orc is green; daemons are red.

• The Daemon is not red, nor is the orc green.

• Lord Blackthorne was famous for his strength. Lord British went to call on him with full ceremony, but upon arriving found Blackthorne to be a weakling. The king asked, "how strong are you?" Blackthorne replied, "I can break the waist of a spring insect, and I can bear the wing of an autumn cicada." The king flushed and said, "I'm strong enough to tear apart dragon hide and drag nine lizardmen by the tail - yet I still lament my weakness. How can it be that you are so famous for your strength?" Blackthorne replied, "My fame is not for having such strength, it is for being able to use such strength."

• If you have to ask what roleplaying is, you'll never know.

• How can you think and cast spells at the same time?

• Lord British and Lord Blackthorne were walking and saw some dragons fly by.

  "What is that?" asked Lord British.

  "Wild Dragons" replied Lord Blackthorne.

  "Where have they gone?"

  "They've flown away" Blackthorne said.

  Lord British twisted Blackthorne's nose, and when Lord Blackthorne cried out in pain, British said, "When have they ever flown away?"

• The raindrops patter on the platemail, but these are not tears of grief; this is only the anguish of he who listens to it.

• Why tell water elementals to drink?

• Lord Blackthorne overheard four monks in Empath Abbey arguring about subjectivity and objectivity. He joined them and said, "There is a big stone, do you consider it to be inside our outside your mind?" One of the monks replied, "From the virtue viewpoint everything is an objectification of mind, so I would say that the stone is inside my mind." Blackthorne replied, "Your head must feel very heavy if you are carrying around a stone like that in your mind."

• One day Chuckles fell down in the snow and called out "Help me up! Help me up!" Heckles came by and lay down beside him. Chuckles got up and walked away.

• Nystul was a member of Lord British's court when Lord British passed away (from a fire field). The remainder of the court invited Lord Blackthorne to succeed Lord British, but Nystul did not agree. "Please wait until I question him. If he understands Lord British's teaching, then I'll serve him like our late king. Nystul then turned to Lord Blackthorne and said, "Cease, desist, spend ten thousand years on one thought, be cold ashes, dead trees; be a censer in an ancient shrine; be a strip of pure white silk. Now tell me, which virtue does this illustrate?"

  Lord Blackthorne said, "It illustrates the virtue of spirituality."

  Nystul said, "Then you still don't understand the late king's meaning."

  Blackthorne said, "If you don't agree with me, bring me a stick of incense." Nystul did so, and Lord Blackthorne lit the incense and said, "If I do not understand the late king's meaning, then I won't be able to pass away while this incense is still burning." So saying, he sat down and died.

  Nystul patted him on the back and said, "As far as dying seated or standing is concerned, you're not lacking. But as far as Lord British's virtues, you haven't even dreamed of seeing them."

• Those who want the fewest things are nearest to the GM's.

• Then the Guardian said, "Avatar! Know that my face is most muppet-like!"

• "If a newbie was recently PK'ed, what should one give him?"

  "He lacks nothing."

• After looking upon a brown-robed monk, the sage asked "Why isn't he wearing a robe?"

• Kill PK's for 10 weeks, become a PK, then forget all about PK's when you are killing.

• One who is good at archery does not hit the center of the target.

• You finally get a sword and some basic armor and leave town for the very first time. You find that even small animals have a great capacity to harm you, and finally a PK takes you down in a single blow of his halberd. You resurrect instantly, but not before your body is looted. You walk away smiling and laughing, and even try attacking a few mages who don't even bother to fight back. You know you are nothing and you know you have nothing. And you know that not-to-be and not-to-have give immeasurable freedom.

• Lovely PK's, they kill nowhere else!

• A monk asked Lord British about the meaning of the virtues. Lord British answered, "Wait until there is no one around, and I will tell you." Some time later the monk approached Lord British again saying, "There is nobody here now, please answer me." Lord British led him out into the garden and went over to a grove of yew saplings, saying nothing. Still the monk did not understand, so at last Lord British said, "Here is a tall sapling; there is a short one!"

• If a troll falls in the forest, and there is no one to hear him, does he still make a sound?

• Beware Lord British's FORK!

• It is only the PK's that do not kill people.

• That Lord British statue deserves all the birdshit it gets; I wave my skinny arms like a tall flower in the wind.

• I threw my sword away when I saw a newbie fighting with his fists.

• A monk in Empath Abbey asked of Lord British, who happened to be visiting that day, "I have just entered the abbey; please give me some guidance." Lord British said, "Have you eaten your rice gruel?" The monk replied, "Yes, I have eaten." Lord British said, "Then go wash your bowl."

• A painting of mongbat-meat does not satisfy hunger.

• If we ask whether a PK is "good" we must say "no"; If we ask whether a PK is "evil" we must say "no"; If we ask whether a PK is attacking we must say "no"; If we ask whether a PK is at rest we must say "no".

• Tomorrow.

• Lord British, upon returning to his castle after having travelled for 5 years, resumed his teachings of virtue with the words "as we were saying yesterday..."

• A squire brought two swords to his master knight. "Drop it" ordered the master. The squire dropped one sword. "Drop it" the master ordered again. The squire let the second sword go. "Drop it!" roared the knight. The squire stammered: "But I have nothing to drop." The master nodded, "then take it away."

• Where there are humans, you'll find daemons and Lord Britishes.

• Knock on a ghost and listen to the sound!

• What is the color of player-killing?

• Two mages were arguing about the flag over Lord Britishes castle. One said, "The flag moves." The other said, "The wind moves." They argued back and forth but could not agree. Lord British was walking by and overheard them and said, "Gentlemen! It is not the flag that moves. It is not the wind that moves. It is your mind that moves." The two mages were struck with awe.

• A peasant was once laying up against a tree while reading of the eight virtues. A monk saw him and said, "you must maintain dignity when reading of the virtues!" The peasant lifted one leg. The monk had nothing to say.

• Water which is too pure has no elementals.

• If you wish to be killed, why torment yourself with newbie-level PK's?

• Chuckles asked Lord Blackthorne, "Milord, what is the great meaning of Lord British's teachings?"

  Lord Blackthorne came down from his seat, slapped Chuckles, then pushed him away. Chuckles was stunned and stood motionless.

  Heckles, who was watching from nearby, said "Chuckles, why do you not bow?" At that moment Chuckles attained great enlightenment.

• If you meet Lord British, kill Lord British.

• Get rid of the PK and act on the PK.

• One of the elders in Empath Abbey lay dying, and the other monks surrounded the bed, dressed him in a white death shroud, and began to weep. But the elder opened his eyes and laughed. He laughed again, and then a third time. When the monks saw this, they asked him, "Tell us, why are you laughing while we weep?" He said to them: "I laughed the first time because you fear death. I laughed the second time because you are not ready for death. I laughed the third time because from labors I go to my rest." After saying this, he closed his eyes and died.

• Fundamentally the mage casts at himself.

• Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the mages of old, seek what they sought.

• If you meet on the way a PK that kills-- Don't fight him, don't let him live!

• Lord Blackthorne's castle burned to the ground. He stood outside motionless as others gathered to see what had happened. Blackthorne said, "I can see the moon."

• Run a single PK through with your sword sheathed!

• As the roof was leaking, Lord British told two jesters to bring something to catch the water. One brought a bucket, the other a basket. The first was severely reprimanded, the second was highly praised.

• It's like a dragon passing through a window. Its head, wings and four legs all pass through. Why can't its tail pass through too?

• Bottles of ale and backpacks with torches, the deep dungeons and purple llamas dancing in the fields - It's quite enough! Have you seen the dragon? No! Isn't that wonderful?

• There are only two great species that engage in highly organized mass warfare: men and ants.

• At the end of the day, upon walking through the forest, returning from glorious battles in the caverns, making our way past a pair of dragons, there flashed upon my mind a moment of insight, unforeseen and unsought, "Reverence for Life."

• Catch the vigorous PK of your mind.

• The daemons look warm, flecked with ash from yonder volcano.

• The purpose of zen is the perfection of character.

• When you meet a grandmaster swordsman, show him your sword. When you meet a man who is not a mage, do not show him your spells.

= Ed T. Toton III / NecroBones Enterprises / [email protected]

(Copyright 1997, All Rights Reserved)