[Intro Music]

Matthew the Bard:

Crisis in Britannia, Day 34.

I'm Matthew the Bard and you're listening to Britannia Network News.

In the headlines today:

Trinsic appears doomed. The invasion army of undead, reported first by BNN days ago and said to contain thousands of skeletons and zombies, appears set to strike the city tomorrow or the next day. Despite the heroic efforts of independent warriors and mages manning the walls day and night, Trinsic is expected to fall to the forces of evil. There is no word on whether reinforcements have been dispatched by Lord British. More news of the realm right after this.

[Gong sound]

Male voice:

Here at the Finest Cuts we have all types of delicious meat products. We have pork ribs, spare ribs, sheep ribs, beef ribs, snake ribs...

Other male voice:

Snake ribs?

Male voice:

...harpy ribs, a dragon ribs, lizardman ribs...

Other male voice:

Hey, all these things look the same.

Male voice:

b ..ratman ribs, a gazer ribs, rabbit ribs, deer ribs and whole birds.

Other male voice:

Well that's different at least. But I am a good man, these ribs and those ribs, what's the difference?

Male voice:

Flavor, quality and texture.

Other male voice:

As they look here sir, they're exactly the same.

Male voice:

They are not!

Other male voice:

Are so! Look, they even cook the same.

Male voice:

They're different!

Other male voice:

Oh yeah? Prove it.

Male voice:

Try to stack them.

[Stacking sound]

Other male voice:

Well, what do ya know?

Male voice:

Come on down to Finest Cuts in Jhelom on the south side of the southernmost Valorian Island, right across the street from Jhelom's Fine Tailoring. Come and see the difference for yourself.

Other male voice:

Do you sell fish steaks?

Matthew the Bard:

In other headlines today, seven castaways were rescued from an uncharted island near Ocllo early yesterday morning. The castaways are reported to be the crew and passengers of a charter ship that left Ocllo fifteen years ago for a three hour tour. There's no word yet on the identities of the castaways from this fateful trip. Although the mate is described as a 'mighty sailing man' and there have been references to a scholar, a millionaire and an actress. And that's the way it is this 34th day of crisis in Britannia. I'm Matthew the Bard. Goodday.

[Exit Music]

Title: Crisis in Britannia, Day 34

Author: OSI

Copyright: �2000 Electronic Arts

Abstract: Britannia News Network

From the Britannia Network News