[Intro Music]

Bundor Bard:
Crisis in Britannia, Day 70.
I'm Bundor Bard and you're listening to Britannia Network News.
In the headlines today.
Lord British is still missing, after nearly...Hey! What the h...

[Thump. Punch. Punch. Rioting in the background. Dragon noises and flaming breath. Screams.]

Slimely of Skara Brae:
Is this thing working? Good. Cue the music. Three bars of music or three feet of steel my friend, your choice.

[Intro Music]

Slimely of Skara Brae:
Excellent. That wasn't so difficult was it?
Liberation in Britannia, Day 70.
I'm Slimely of Skara Brae and you're listening to Minax Network News.
In the headlines today.
Lord British's lackey and chief derriere kisser, Dupre, continues his futile blundering about in the forests near the City of Yew. The lace-hanky waving warrior has been futilely searching for British for the God only knows how long. You may remember that British was captured sometime ago by the brave forces of our glorious Dark Mistress Minax and continues to be held in a secret torture chamber near the Dungeon of Shame. You can have him back anytime Britannia; all you have to do is find him, or what's left of him, I got one of the fingers. Well, more news from the wonderful world of Minax after these important words.

Female voice:
Has this happened to you? The invasion comes to your town and you just don't have a thing to wear? Tired of wearing the same old rags? Well fret no more, if you're looking for the perfect outfit to declare your evil alignment, then you need Minax Wear. Yes, Minax Wear. Soft, supple leather. Sharp, steely spikes. You'll think you've died and gone to the underworld when you slip into Minax Wear. So help hold Britannia in the bondage it so richly deserves, slip into Minax Wear and slip into evil.

Slimely of Skara Brae:
Welcome back to Minax Network News. In other headlines today, the brown-noser Nystul, self-styled Court Mage to the feeble Lord British, continues his futile attempts to counteract our beautiful Dark Mistress's spell on city guards throughout the land. Good luck! You ain't seen nothing yet. In the city of cowards, sometimes known as Britain, Lord Iolo met with the Interim Council to discuss the current crisis. The bedazzed, straddling fop issued a statement that everything possible was being done to curve the invasion. [Laughs] What, liking losing Trinsic? If you tried any harder, we'd already own Britain. Ah well, it's just a matter of time. [Riotting crowds outside. Moongate opens. More dragon fire breath.] Well, I see my time hear is finished, simply must run. You understand I'm sure. Good day from the Minax Network News. And we look forward to dismembering you all soon. Ta now.

[Exit Music]