UP : Britain (Napa Valley)
A complaint was filled with the Britain
guards yesterday evening. According to the report filed by Duane the farmer
of Britain's West Side Farms, "There were some unruly characters
hanging around my home, drinking ale and tipping over my cows."
The Town Cryer can concur with the report, as the publication
obtained these exclusive images sent in from an anonymous citizen from Britain. The cow
tipping party was apparently the doings of Willio the farmboy, a part-time worker at the
When contacted by the Town Cryer, Willio the farmboy commented,
"I don't understand how this could have gotten so out of hand. I love my boss, Duane,
and I love my job. Now, I have been known to have a few ales and go out and tip a cow or
two from time to time, but that's just how I get some relaxation after a hard day on the
Asked about the incident, Duane the farmer commented, "I couldn't
sleep last night. It had to have been at least three in the morning. There was all sorts
of hooting and hollering going on outside. A hard-working man needs his sleep... I have
crops to harvest at the crack of dawn. This was craziness."
"Well, I am truly sorry that I have caused so much trouble
here," said Willio, "Most of the people that came to have a good time with me
did just that. There were some people that were working on becoming Grandmaster cow
tippers, goodness, we were just having some fun."
Duane the farmer would not speculate on the status of farmboy Willio's
job, and would not say for sure whether or not he intended to keep Willio on for next
season's harvest. "I admire Willio's good work ethic," said Duane, "but I'm
not sure if I can take the noise and the tippings anymore."
Willio seemed almost defiant in his response to the
news of his job. "I also think this whole thing was educational. Most of the people
who came to help me tip cows had never done it before and they didn't know how to do it.
The trick is in the touch. You just have to keep shoving them over and over and over
again. Eventually you get a feel for it and then they go falling over on their side. Hey,
I think I shared some great farmhand wisdom last night, and now I hear my job may be in
jeopardy. Tis a sad day in this farmboy's life."
The Town Cryer tried to contact Duane the farmer to make a final
check the status of Willio's continued employment at the farm, but Duane would answer no
further attempts to reach him by communication crystal.
"Ah well," said the cheery Willio with a gleam in his eye,
"there's plenty more work out there for a qualified farmhand... and plenty of cows
throughout the land that need a good tipping. I have no worries. I'll see all my new cow
tipping friends when I start my next job."
From the Town Cryer - The Journal of Ultima Online, Friday, March 27th 1998